From Tragedy Love
by Merrianna
Summary: Can a traumatic event help a couple to realize that they are meant to be. Smacked Chapter Six is up and updated.
1. The Road Leads To Him

Title: Chapter One: The Road Leads To Him

Author: Merrianna

Series: From Tradegy Love

Characters: Mac/Stella

Rating: R

Summary: AU: Can a traumatic event help a couple to realize that they are meant to be.

Setting: After "All Access".

Spoiler: Anything that has happen before "All Access".

Category: Drama, Romance

Note: Billy Joel's song 'And so it goes' just seemed to fit what I wanted to do with this story. Which I hope you enjoy.

Disclaimer: I don't in any way own the series CSI: NY. Those are the sole property of Anthony E. Zuiker, Jerry Bruckheimer, CBS and Paramount Home Entertainment.

Distribution: Please ask first?

Feedback: Please? I love comments:

In every heart there is a room

A sanctuary safe and strong

To heal the wounds from lover past

by Billy Joel

Stella stood in the rain having just left her apartment. She ran a shaky hand through her wet curls, frustrated with herself and a little with the man who had unknowingly left her to deal with the emotional aftermath all by her lonesome. She raised a hand to call for a passing taxi.

When one of the many yellow cars pulled to the curb, she quickly got in. It had been a little awkward with her purse and duffel bag.

"Where you's wanna go?" was the bald taxi driver's immediate question.

"Anywhere right now," Stella replied. She had no idea where she wanted to go, just that she wanted to get away from her apartment, the place that had most recently been the scene of a crime. It wasn't the thought that she had to kill Frankie that was bothering her right now; it was the first time she had come so close to dying since working in Narcotics, that was disturbing. Even then her apartment had been where she slept, ate and was able to let down her guard. Frankie had invaded her home and terrorized her in it. She knew she had only defended herself, but now the place she viewed as a safe haven was no longer that.

She gazed out the side window of the car, watching as the city she grew up in and loved flowed slowly by. Twenty-five minutes later, she recognized that they had just started to go by Mac's apartment building. It was almost surreal that the taxi driver had gone down this street out of so many.

"Stop here," Stella order with a trembling voice as she glanced at the meter and dug around in her purse for the fee.

"You sure you don't wanna drive around some more?" the bald driver queried as he pulled to the curb.

Stella made no comment, not in the mood for a regular New York tiff with the driver. She just paid the exorbitant fee with only a slight wince and got out of the vehicle.

The earlier steady rain had turned into a mild drizzle as she now stood outside of her partner's place of resident. The funny thing was she had no idea if he was even home.

With a deep steadying breath, Stella went in. At the front she was greeted by one of Mac's neighbors a pleasant couple that didn't seem too startled by her appearance. She supposed that she didn't look as bad as she could have with what had happened. They didn't linger, much to Stella's relief. She stepped up to the elevator but had second thoughts as the door slid opened.

It seemed claustrophobic so she headed to the stairs. While climbing up, her mind wandered once again over recent events: Frankie giving her a sculpture saying it was from a Greek myth; finding out through the gift that Frankie had put their private moments on the Internet; her plan to breaking up with him just as she came home from shopping; the unexpected sight of him opening a bottle of wine in her dining room; the fight in which she had been knocked out; awaking tied up; and Frankie threatening to show what a crime scene looked like while dragging her into the bathroom. Stella stopped on the stairs panting, whether from running up the stairs or her inner thoughts she didn't know. She collapsed on the floor. Bending her knees, she dropped her head between them and waited for the light-headedness to fade. Stella sat there for several minutes getting a hold of her self. With a shuddering breath she swiped at her face with bandaged hands not noticing the tracks of tears and the faint smear of blood that came from the action.

Standing up, Stella forced herself to take the last flight of steps heading to partner's apartment.

TBC...


	2. Finding Comfort

Title: Finding Comfort

Spoiler: Anything that has happen before "All Access".

Note:

Disclaimer: I don't in any way own the series CSI: NY. Those are the sole property of Anthony E. Zuiker, Jerry Bruckheimer, CBS and Paramount Home Entertainment.

Distribution: Please ask first?

Feedback: Please? I love comments.

Until a new one comes along

I spoke to you in cautious tones

You answered me with no pretense

By Billy Joel

Mac prowled restlessly around the confines of his apartment, Stella's case still nagging at him. The attack he'd seen many times before, but the people involved in this particular one were what bothered him now. The crime had involved Stella and her now deceased boyfriend Frankie. The man had terrorized and almost killed Mac's partner for apparently the only reason that she'd wanted out of the relationship. Mac had processed the crime scene: his friend's apartment, a place that he had been to on any number of occasions. Even though he'd wanted to be at the hospital with his friend, in the end he knew that Stella would be more comfortable with Mac himself going through her home than any of the others. It had been one of the most difficult things the investigator had ever done.

He was abruptly jerked out of his thoughts with a buzzing of the doorbell. Opening his apartment door, Mac's blue eyes widened slightly in surprise as he found his partner standing there. He took in, at a glance, her drenched hair and clothes, a knapsack slung over one shoulder along with her purse. The pretty brunette's head was down so that she wouldn't or couldn't meet his eyes. All in all, it was almost as bad as when he had found her after the call had gone out about an officer down, and the subsequent discovering of her apartment in shambles with no clue where she was.

Without a word, Mac opened the door wider and stepped aside to allow the emotionally fragile woman in. Somehow he knew that, despite his own instinct to shut down emotionally, he should have taken better care of his friend... partner... she was something more and that was exactly the reason why he had made the offer he had at the hospital, even though he had seen the expression in Stella's green eyes before she quickly hid it and insisted on going home.

"I'm sorry to barge in like this." The apology was made in a rush. Stella reflexively wrapped her arms around herself as she walked through the front entrance.

"It's alright, Stella. I should've offered to let you stay here when we were still at the hospital. I just didn't think you would have accepted." Mac shrugged uncomfortably as he shut the door, still looking after his friend.

Stella looked over at her partner and a small, sad smile flitted across her face. She knew that her friend was still trying to work through the fact that his wife had died in the 9-11 terrorist attacks. "I more than likely would've still gone back to my place, Mac. It's nice to know that you were thinking about it, even if you weren't able to ask."

Now that she finally looked at him, he took in the streaks of tears and smudges of what he took to be blood. "Uh... Stella, why don't you freshen up? You don't look too comfortable, and we should have a look at your hands." Mac moved away from the door reaching out to take Stella's bags.

Stella tentatively relinquished her stuff; with a glance at her hands she realized that the bloody rivulets were running down creating spots on her shirt. She had been so out of it that she hadn't even realized that some if not all, of the cuts on her hands had reopened.

"Jeez, I'm a mess." Tears wanted to come again; Stella fought to not break down in front of Mac.

"It'll be alright Stella. You'll get a shower and then we'll bandage those hands up. And after all that, if you're hungry, I'll fix you something to eat." Mac put a reassuring hand on her back, leading her in the direction of the bathroom. He felt her stiffen a little before she relaxed at the contact. Inside Mac had to control the anger that was building against a man he was no longer able to punish.

Removing his hand, he opened the bathroom door and turned on the light switch. He let Stella move past him into the room, which was unlike the rest of his apartment. Here it looked like it was used on occasion, displaying a toothbrush, hairbrush and other hygiene products.

Placing her bag on the counter top, Mac went to get a few things for Stella to use while taking her shower.

Mac heard Stella rummaging through her bag looking for something to wear. When he turned around to place the items for ready use, he saw, on his friend's face, a look that was between embarrassment and hysteria. The brown-haired man glanced at what had made such a look come over her face; from what he could see, at least the items on top had been handled by Stella just recently, for they had traces of blood on them. There were enough spots that if they weren't cleaned up soon, they'd end up stained.

"Stella, don't worry about it. I'll get you something of mine. It's alright." He hesitantly put a comforting arm around her shoulders and gave her a brief squeeze. It wasn't that he didn't want to comfort Stella; it was just that it had been a long time since he'd done so for a woman.

"Thanks, Mac. I guess I really didn't think about much beyond getting out of my apartment. I didn't realize that my hands were that bad." She sniffled, trying hard not to show how much things were affecting her. Mac for his part didn't mention anything; he just gave her another comforting squeeze before he headed out the door; on the way he took the bag with him.

"Just get ready for your shower, Stella. I'll be back with something for you to wear." He closed the door as he walked out.

Feeling a little self-conscious, Mac went through Stella's clothes, trying not to linger over any too long, especially her undergarments.

Mac threw most of Stella's clothes in the laundry, having been able to pick out only a few pieces that didn't have blood on them. He went through his closet and found a robe and a button-down shirt, of which he left the top two buttons undone. It would be easier for her to put on over her head.

As Mac went back to the bathroom to hand over the items, he heard muffled noises that sound suspiciously like a sob. "Stella?"

"Mac, I... ah... need a little help here," came the frustrated whimper.

The sound tore at his heart. As he opened the door, Mac stopped short, taking in the vision before him. Stella had white socks on her feet and plain a pair of pants, but what had made him almost lose his ability to talk was that lying on the floor was her pink shirt, spotted with blood, leaving the curly-haired woman in only a cream-colored lacy bra.

Slightly ill-at-ease, Mac looked away, a faint blush creeping into his cheeks. He looked back when his ears picked up on a giggle that emanated from the half-dressed woman. It brought a smile to his face, as this was the first sign of the old Stella Bonasera coming to light.

"I suppose my discomfort is cause for amusement." He couldn't help teasing her.

Stella giggled again as her own cheeks began to redden. "This might be a bit awkward if we can't get around the fact that to have a shower I'll need to be naked."

"Hmm… I suppose it would work best that way." Mac's blue eyes twinkled, the only way to tell that he was still joking with his co-worker.

"Mac!" Stella gave an exasperated cry.

"Just kidding, Stella. Turn around, and I'll get that off of you." Mac came forward, beating down his body's reaction to the woman.

She turned around hesitantly, trying to overcome the sudden urge to run. When the back of his fingers grazed over her sensitive flesh, an unexpected shudder went down her back.

"Are you cold? I can turn up the thermostat." Mac hoped it was that, rather than a reaction caused by the aftereffects of the attack. Stella was a strong woman and it killed Mac that Frankie had done this to her.

"Maybe a little." Stella agreed, not wanting Mac to know the real reason.

Mac studied the woman for a second, he had the feeling that she wasn't being completely truthful but wasn't going to call her on it unless it looked like it was going to endanger her. Without a word he went out; only a few seconds later he was back. "It'll take a few minutes."

The brief interruption made the tension even greater than before. Stella still had her back to the door, and the sight again took Mac's breath away. Now was not the time to be thinking the thoughts that had just recently been spring up in his mind when the pretty brunette was in sight.

Taking a controlled breath, Mac went back to finish undressing Stella. He could detect that his friend was still nervous. "Relax, Stella. I'm not going to bite you."

Stella giggled again and the tension eased as she began to relax once more.

Mac gave a small smile at the sound, "Seeing as you were right about needing to be naked to take a shower, I'll finish undressing you. Your hands are in no shape to be used. Which, umm... also brings to mind how you'll be able to wash yourself." Mac could feel his cheeks starting to redden once again and fought hard to keep his voice calm and even.

Stella froze at the mention of not being able to wash her-self. 'Was Mac really offering to do that or was it her imagination?'

From behind Stella, Mac crouched down to gently remove her pants, underwear and socks. He made it all seem caring but non-sexual. Standing back up, he turned on the water and waited a moment for it to heat up to the right temperature.

Mac helped Stella into the stall letting the water release the stress that was flowing off of his partner. Mac removed his clothes quickly, except for his boxers, and followed the curly-haired woman into the spray of water.

Through the whole procedure Mac remained in control and though it had been difficult. Stella was an attractive woman and however people might think he had no emotions he had been thoroughly tested today.

"Umm... Stella you might want to get out now." Mac tried to put a teasing tone in his voice as he slide the glass barrier away after shut off the water. Stella was once again looking at the floor. Blue eyes took in her body language and knew that though the shower had helped. There was still something that was bothering the pretty young woman.

Mac took a large towel and wrapped it around Stella, enveloping her in its depths; with great care he dried her from head to foot. He wrapped the towel around her; he'd left her hands for last. "Why don't you sit down Stella? We'll get those hands of yours bandaged. Did you get a pain med from the hospital?" Mac inquired as he got out a first aid kit, which held gauze, bacterial cream and peroxide.

Stella sat down on the covered toilet holding out her cut bleeding hands. The warm water kept the blood from clotting, but had also helped her hands to stay cleaner. "Yeah, I have them in my purse. They're supposed to be taken with food," Stella answered, trying not to look at him.

Mac nodded, trying to not let her actions effect him, knowing that he was the cause of them. The shower had been good for her but, he wasn't sure that either of them would be able to forget the experience. He went to work accessing the damage to see if she needed to return to the hospital to have her hands looked at by a professional. From what he saw, some maybe should have had stitches, but he had a feeling that they would have to be pretty much chopped off before Stella would go back to the hospital. So he carefully applied peroxide and anti-bacterial cream then he wrapped them in gauze, making sure that they were loose enough so that she wouldn't lose circulation, but tight enough that they would stay in place.

When Mac was done bandaging Stella's hands, he put the supplies away, "Well, I'll ahh... leave you to get dressed. You don't have to worry; you'll be able to do it without needing help. Though if you do need help, I'll be right outside the door."

Stella watched as he left. She rose, letting the towel unravel and slide to the floor. She took the button-down shirt, feeling a little flushed at the thought of wearing Mac's shirt. The material smelled of the laundry detergent he used but also a little of the bathing soap he preferred to use. She slipped the material over her head; it slithered down her body the bottom coming to mid-thigh; the buttoned-up front was higher on her neck than her normal, which in retrospect made her feel a little less exposed... Not that it was really a big concern, considering Mac had already seen everything. Circumstances had changed, as the last few minutes could attest. For the finishing touch to her attire, she donned a terry cloth robe that went well past her knees. Stella peeked into the mirror before turning away, not willing to acknowledge yet the events that had lead her to Mac's apartment; instead she opened the door to once again face her partner.

Mac grinned slightly at the sight of his partner in such an unfashionable robe. Stepping up to her, he suppressed a small laugh, even after the situation they had just been through.

"What?" Stella lifted an eyebrow, puzzled at her friend's reaction.

Still grinning, Mac replied "I don't think I've ever seen you this dressed down before."

Crossing her arms, Stella flushed slightly, looking away and mumbling. "Like I wasn't dressed down in the bathroom."

Mac's grin faltered as he caught what his friend had said. Apprehensively he placed a guiding hand on Stella's elbow, leading her to the main part of the apartment.

Still a little uncomfortable around each other, Mac and Stella went to the kitchen of the apartment. Silence reigned as Mac went about making them something to eat. Stella sat at the table watching as he moved around the kitchen in only a pair of sweat pants. She supposed he didn't realize that he'd forget to put a shirt on. Stella let her mind drift, sometimes it went back to her apartment or back in Mac's bathroom, only the steam in there would not only be from the water. Mac ended up making some sort of noise that drew her attention back.

Stella eventually cleared her throat, "So, Mac, what are you making?"

With those causally expressed words, his partner helped to bring the atmosphere back on a normal level. Mac was grateful as he answered the question, "Oatmeal."

"Oatmeal? Mac, that's not a meal that's breakfast," Stella whined.

"Oatmeal can be eaten at anytime. Besides it's easy to eat and not overly heavy so that you'll be able to sleep," Mac defended one of his favorite foods.

"Ok, I shouldn't complain: it's not take-out and I didn't have to cook so... oatmeal it is. Just how long does it take anyway?" Stella was starting to get tired but in truth didn't want to succumb to Morpheus' web just yet. The curly-haired detective knew that when she fell asleep at last it wouldn't be for long.

"Just now," Mac answered as he brought over two bowls full. He placed one in front of Stella and the other across from her. He returned back to the kitchen coming back with a tray on which were two spoons, milk, sugar, maple syrup, and raisins.

"Wow, Mac, you know how to show a girl a good time," Stella comment which she immediately wanted to take back at the expression on her best friend's face. With a frustrated sigh, she added, "Don't mind me, Mac. I'm getting tired and, when I'm tired, I get cranky."

Mac nodded, hoping that was really what the problem was. This relationship was important to him; Stella had been there when he needed a friend after Claire had died; he didn't think he could handle it if something happened to damage their friendship. The thing with Frankie was hard enough; it was the closest he'd been to losing someone since his wife. He was patient; he wouldn't push Stella, through he was starting to think helping her with washing-up had been an extremely bad idea.

"Don't worry. I won't hold anything against you," Mac reassured as he went about putting raisins and maple syrup into his oatmeal.

Stella nodded and once again silence fall over the couple; this time it wasn't sexual tension, but the uncertainty of what the future would be that caused it.

Stella sighed in satisfaction and gave Mac a smile. "I'll admit it was good. Thank you."

"I'm glad you enjoyed it." His voice lightened with the pleasure that Stella had sincerely meant want she said. Mac smirked as he saw her try to stifle a yawn. "I guess it's time for bed."

Stella gave the brown-haired man an irritated look. "Going to tuck me in."

"Yep." was his only reply as he took the dishes back into the kitchen.

"Mac, I'm a big girl. I don't need to be tuck in. Just get me a pillow and blanket so I can bunk out here on the living room couch."

It was Mac's turn to look irritated. "What makes you think I'll be letting you sleep on the couch?"

"Well where else am I going to sleep?" Stella looked at him expectantly.

"I'll be sleeping on the couch; you'll be getting the bed. It's not debatable." Mac's face was set.

"Well, don't complain in the morning if you're stiff from sleeping on that thing." Stella groused.

"Don't worry I won't." For once, Mac got the last words on his partner.

TBC...


	3. Soothing the Terrors of the Night

Title: Chapter Three: Soothing the Terrors of the Night

Spoiler: Anything that has happen before "All Access".

Note: If you want to read a raunchier verison of this story go to Out of the Lab. I would also like to thank Sam for betaing this story for me. I couldn't not have done it with Sam's continued encouragment.

---------------

And still I feel I've said too much

My silence is my self-defense

And every time I've held rose

It seem's I've only felt the thorns

By Billy Joel

Stella fought against the blankets as she sat up from the grip of her dream. Her green eyes were unfocused and her hair hung limply with perspiration. The nightmare had left her shaking and gasping for air.

"Stella," a worried masculine voice came out of the semi-dark room. With a cry of fear the brunette attacked, only to be caught up against a firm body, strong arms wrapping around her, holding down her arms. The distraught woman struggled on. "Stella, it's me. It's Mac. It's okay; no one is going to hurt you."

Shuddering, Stella wilted into Mac's embrace, wrapping her own arms around him. "I'm sorry."

Stella clutched on to Mac like a lifeline. She gave herself to the strength and warmth of his embrace. It was only at that moment that the terror of the past few days started to fade. She was safe.

Her arms tightened around Mac's waist as she buried her face into his shoulder. The smell of bath soap and the musky scent of the man filled her senses, chasing away the memories of blood and the stale stench of fear-based sweat. She was frightened by the strength of her emotions, something she normally accepted. There had always been an outlet, whether it was crying, shouting, laughing or any other number of different reactions; this time she was afraid to let go. Stella's emotional control was in tatters and her normally strong defenses were crumbled at her feet.

Mac stroked a hand up and down the distressed woman's back, the other caressing the mass of brown curls, trying to sooth her along with his whispered words. As words spilled out, Mac couldn't help but wonder what Stella would have done if she'd actually stayed at her apartment. He knew that Stella was a strong woman and it took a great deal to bring her down. But even strong people had their limits; he only wished that it hadn't happen to such a spirited individual as Stella.

They sat within each other's arms for what seemed like hours. In reality only twenty minutes had passed. Mac could feel the tension begin to drain out of his partner. She hadn't cried, just reflexively clutched on to him. He didn't press just waiting for her to either start talking or pull away, wanting to avoid what was bothering her. Stella eventually let out a steadying breath but she didn't pull away, as if in doing so she would lose the courage to talk about the incident.

"Jesus. Mac, I thought that he was going to kill me. If Frankie had known more about guns he would have shot me. I was just luck he'd never handled a gun before." Stella's voice hitched at the end as the memories of the attack still clouded her mind. She tightened her hold on him once more as if he was her anchor to stem the tide least she get carried away.

Mac swallowed away a lump that had formed in his throat. He'd only read the reports and had imaged what Stella had gone through, but hearing her going through it once again, though it was from a relived nightmare was horrible. It had been heartbreaking losing Claire; he hadn't thought he could go through something like that again. It wasn't until now that he'd realized how deeply Stella had gotten past his barriers.

"Stella, you're alive. Don't dwell on the might haves. You're here and really that's all that matters." Mac's voice was rough with emotion that he couldn't hold back. A feeling of possessiveness came over him that he was unable to stop. If Frankie had still been alive, Mac was certain that he would have made him wish he wasn't. It was cold comfort for himself that Stella had been able to take the man out. The problem was that she had killed and now that everything was over, she would begin to doubt herself and whether it had been the right thing to do.

"I know, but he got into my apartment. He'd never been to my apartment before. He was able to get in. I'm a CSI God damn it! I should have known. After the internet thing, I shouldn't have underestimated him." The words came out of Stella almost incoherently.

Mac frowned, puzzled by part of Stella's words. "What do you mean after the internet thing?" The words came out soft, but in Mac's best boss's tone.

Stella responded, not noticing the tightness that had come into her friend's voice. "Frankie had been upset the night you had been working on the Sonny Sossano case and I got called in to work a different one. To apologize he gave me a sculpture. He said it was based on a Bolivian myth named Aresanob. When I got home that night I tried looking it up on the Internet. At first I had spelt in wrong then I realized it was my name backwards..." Stella's voice trailed off as she stifled a sob that wanted to escape.

Mac waited, knowing that with Stella having said that much she would ultimately finish her story. He just continued to hold her, offering support, though it still didn't feel like enough.

Several minutes later, Stella continued. "Frankie had created a website that..." she paused and took another breath before finishing the tale."He had video tape us in bed and put it on the Internet." Stella's voice held anger and embarrassment.

Mac froze in shock at first then a little hurt that Stella hadn't gone to him with the incident. Anger quickly replaced both feelings as the extent of Frankie crimes came to light. The man had violated Stella in every way: Her trust, her home, and her body. Mac really wished the bastard was alive so he could make him pay.

Even in Stella's emotional turmoil she felt the shifting emotions that conveyed themselves from Mac's body. "Mac?"

"Why didn't you tell me about this before now?" Mac's voice was tightly controlled; he didn't want to hurt Stella but he needed an answer, because she hadn't confided in him.

Stella tried to pull away, but Mac wouldn't let go so she avoided looking to his eyes, "I just wanted it to go away. I broke up with him and threw the statue out. I didn't want anybody to see it," she whispered in reply.

Mac allowed her to evade his eyes, knowing that she was more than likely embarrassed. "Stella, I would've helped you whether it was to press charges or just to give you moral support. I may have been dealing with a lot of other things, but I always have time for you."

Stella sagged against him once more, burying her head into his shoulder. She knew she couldn't answer why she hadn't gone to Mac. He was the one person who's respect she coveted more than anyone else's. She felt close to Mac since the first time they met. They had fit together as partners even through the rough patches. She had always ignored the obvious physical attraction she had felt, knowing that he was happily married. That only increased when she had met Claire. They had become fast friends, with Mac and shopping being their common interests. It had been difficult when she died; Stella was aware that she had to be there for Mac and silently grief for her friend herself. Added to the fact that Claire was gone, that attraction had begged to come out. She had been often caught unawares by her own actions and was only grateful that Mac hadn't realized the displays were anything other than friendly gestures.

Mac held her a little closer, wanting to let Stella know that he wasn't angry with her. Their proximaty finally stirred up other feelings other than comfort and unfortunately his body chose that moment to remember that it was only human with specific needs.

The way they were positioned eventually seeped into Stella thoughts and the memory of the bath came to the fore of her mind. Stella pulled back and took a chance, lifting her gaze to meet that of her partner.

Looking up into Mac's blue eyes, Stella saw desire and love reflected within. She reached up with a trembling bandaged hand to caress down his roughened cheek, sliding it around his neck. Slowly she leaned forward, brushing her lips softly against his, searching for a response. With a low moan, Mac's lips parted as he pulled her closer and deepened kiss. His tongue teased along her lips encouraging her to let him in. At the first questing touch, she parted her lips, allowing him access. Their tongues caressed over each other: exploring, tasting, and driving themselves crazy with wanting.

In the back of Mac's mind, he knew that this was exactly why he'd been distancing himself from her, but Stella's response demolished his good intentions. The morning would be soon enough to have misgivings.

Mac's fingers tangled into her curly hair, kneading the back of her neck, which invoked a mewl of pleasure from the statuesque brunette. She leaned backward into the massage and pressed her clothed upper body into Mac's solid chest. They both moan as they savored the feel of the other.

Mac pulled Stella forward for another soul-searing kiss. The action caused her to tumble into his lap, straddling him. Stella gasped into his mouth as she felt the extent of Mac's arousal through the sweat pants he wore.

Continuing the kiss, Mac let the backs of his fingers graze over her hidden flesh as he released the buttons of Stella's shirt.

Drawing back, Mac slowly glided his hands down from Stella's neck under the fabric of the parted shirt, sliding it off her shoulders and arms and finally removing it completely. The vision that sat before him once more took away all coherent thought. He drank in the nude beauty that he'd exposed before him.

As he gazed at Stella in the dim light, he could see bruising from her hips up to her collarbone. He could imagine that it was from when Frankie had dragged her across her apartment floor to the bathroom and over the steps along the way. Mac lightly caressed the marred flesh with callused fingertips. He bent forward as far as he could to place tender kisses where the damage had been done. He worked his way up her body, tenderly exploring the ill-treated skin with fingers and lips everywhere he could reach.

Stella sighed in pleasure at the attention he was lavishing on her. Her body tingled at the contact and when she realized what he was doing, a wave of love and affection swamped her. Tears finally slid down her cheeks as, for the first time, she felt cherished... not just a piece of ass that men merely wanted to get in the sack. Her breath came in pants as she ran her hands from Mac's hair, over his shoulders, down his back, and up again.

When Mac's journey came to the tops of Stella's breasts, he felt a tug on either side of his head. He initially ignore it as he paid homage to her glorious orbs by cupping the undersides while using his thumbs to lightly brush over her. He placed kisses from one side to the other just above were his hands where. In between kisses, Mac's heated, moist breath would drift down, making her arch further into his hands as they would contract and release. Again she tugged; this time he allowed himself to be pulled up.

Quickly Stella brought her mouth over his lips, tasting, then plunging her tongue urgently into his mouth. She crushed herself into him, desperately wanting to reciprocate. Uncaring of her bandaged hands, Stella raked her fingers over Mac's shoulders, down his back, until she reached the waist band of his sweatpants. With a frustrated groan she pulled away, staring hungrily into her partner's blue eyes. Without words, they separated briefly to let Mac divested himself of the garment and the underwear beneath. Stella watched, trailing the tip of her tongue across swollen lips.

Mac's body throbbed in reaction to the scrutiny of Stella's green eyes and her demonstration of desire. He had difficulty staying in control. The thought was never very far away in his mind that it had only been a few days since she had been attacked. He didn't want to scare Stella. She was making it clear that she wasn't thinking at all.

Mac laid down, letting Stella take control of the situation. He knew even if she didn't that this small gesture would mentally and emotionally give her back some of the things that Frankie Mala had taken from her. He was giving her his trust, something that he hadn't been able to do with any woman since his wife died.

Stella said nothing; she was surprised but encouraged that Mac hadn't decide to flee when the opportunity had presented it self. Tears again trailed down as she went to him, straddling his thighs. She leaned forward, placing a soft kiss of appreciation on his lips. It quickly turned passionate as the need to be with Mac took hold once more.

Stella worked her way down from Mac's mouth, kissing and nibbling as she went, her gauze covered hands preceeding her mouth. They slide over his chest, briefly staying to play. Mac's groan of pleasure made Stella grin as she followed her hands with her mouth to suck, nip and lather with her tongue.

Mac moaned, letting Stella know without words the effect that she was having on him. It was hard to let her stay in control, but he reigned in his desire to take over.

Lingering only briefly, continuing down over his well-muscled stomach, there she played fleetingly with his bellybutton before moving further down. Her right hand finally reaching it's intended goal.

Mac burrowed his fingers into her riot of curls, he laid his head back, relishing in the feelings that she was creating. Reluctancly, he gently pulled her head away and back up for another mind numbing kiss.

Still deep into the kiss, Stella ajusted their body's sank down onto his. They broke the kiss, needing to breath from the overwhelming sensation coming from the feel of finally being connected.

Stella began to move, sliding off a little before coming back down to surround him again squeezing as she did. It was slow at first with Stella setting the pace. She felt so full it was unlike any other time in her life.

They carressed and kissed until the slow pace changed with a need to speed up and reach the ultimate goal of release. Stella leaned forward, gripping Mac's shoulders as she tried to get leverage, to increase the pressure and quickness, to achieve the desired climax.

Stella couldn't keep the rythm anymore. Even with the need for release her movements were jerky, though she had begun to move faster. Mac's hands which had settled on her hips, gripped them, steadying her as he finally began to thrust, meshing their bodies together. The friction was exquiste and her body enevloped him completely making him want to burst. He held back, waiting, knowing that Stella was near her own release, he wanted to exprience that with her. As he set a faster, harder rythm, he moaned feeling her go over and allowed himself to also plunge along with her.

Stella screamed as the waves of pleasure coursed through her. She distinctly heard her own name resounding in her ears, as well as screaming Mac's before she lost conciousness.

Mac lay with his arms around Stella after he carressed a her hair away from her face. He smiled softly at her sleeping expression. "Sleep, Stella your safe here." Mac placed a lingering kiss on her forehead as he to drifted off to sleep.

TBC...


	4. Morning Talk, Counsler Sessions, and Con

Title: Chapter Four: Morning Talk, Counsler Sessions, and Confronting Feelings

Spoiler: Anything that has happen before "All Access".

Note: In advance I would like to thank everyone for being patient. This chapter was one of the hardest I've ever written and I'm not sure why. There are only two more chapters after this.

---------------

But if my silence made you leave

Then that would be my worst mistake

So I would share this room with you

And you can have this heart to break

By Billy Joel

When the next morning came, Mac woke from a dreamless sleep; it was the first time that had happened since Claire had died. He noticed the lack of heat right off as he reached across the bed, searching for Stella. Opening blue eyes, Mac confirmed that his lover had gotten out of bed.

As he got out of bed, thoughts of the night before both delighted and saddened him. Mac knew that things were going to get complicated, but he was going to let Stella dictate what would happen. He only hoped that he would be able to live with whatever she decided, for he'd unknowingly fallen in love with the spirited Greek. No matter how it went, he wanted her in his life, even if that meant being just friends.

He found clothes and dressed before going to look for Stella, praying that she hadn't just run out of the apartment. Reaching the hall, he could hear the dryer working; that didn't mean that she was still there, but it did give the ex-Marine hope.

As Mac turned the corner, he saw her sitting in the living room on the windowsill with a cup of coffee in one hand. She had found the clean clothes, an emerald green V-neck pull-over shirt and beige jogging pants, which he had put aside the night before.

Leaning against the wall, he stood watching as the morning sun played across her features and dark curly hair. In some ways, Stella resembled his late wife, but that was just in looks. Stella was vocal, loud and didn't let a person get a chance to say anything, whereas Claire was quiet, spoke in level tones and ranted in private, so as to not make a public spectacle. Regrettably, Mac knew that eventually he would have to break the tranquil moment. He caused just enough noise to get Stella's attention, so that she would know that he was up; he hoped that it wouldn't scare her.

Stella screamed, throwing the mug from her hand at the noise. Coffee flew out over the living room. Her aim was good and Mac barely had time to jerk away from the spot before the mug shattered against the far wall. Mac just stood there, not knowing what he should make of what had just happened. It rekindled the urge to take care of her, but he suppressed it for the moment.

---------------

Shaken, Stella trembled as she tried to control the tears that wanted to fall. Instead, she became angry, and started swearing in Greek. She wasn't upset at Mac, but at herself for letting such a little thing upset her. To relieve the mood, she attempted to make it into a joke "Jesus, Mac. What are you trying to do? Give me a heart attack?"

"Sorry, are you all right?" the expression on Mac's face reflected the sincerity in his voice.

"Yeah, just a little jumpy I suppose." She got up, her bare feet hitting the cool uncarpeted floor. "I should clean that up."

"Don't worry about it, Stella, I'll get it." Mac started cleaning up the broken mug and spilt coffee.

Stella stood self-consciously watching trying to avoid the thoughts she'd been thinking before Mac had surprised her. "So, Mac, you weren't serious about me taking two weeks off were you? I mean, I don't think I can handle not being at work that long."

"Stella, you've been through a tremendous ordeal; I don't think it's wise to go back just yet. Besides you need to let your hands heal before you'll be able to slip into a pair of latex gloves."

Stella frowned at her hands as if they had purposely betrayed her. It was something that she wouldn't be able to argue with Mac about. Her hands were defiantly not up to the normal use that they would have to go through on a regular shift of work with the surgical gloves.

Mac added, "You'll go to see a counselor."

Stella's frown deepened at the thought of going over that with a stranger. She felt exposed enough having told Don and then going over it again with Mac. "Is that really necessary?"

Mac looked down at the towel that held bits of broken pottery and was starting to stain brown from the coffee. Stella's eyes followed his and she sat back onto a chair, arms folded and knees drawn up.

Calmly, the dark-haired man tossed out the remains and walked over to Stella. He squatted down in front of her, placing a comforting hand on her knee. "Stella, I can make some adjustments but only if you go to see a counselor."

The green-eyed woman gazed at him for a minute. "If I can get the shrink's okay, you'll let me come back to work?"

Mac considered what she said for a moment while he gave her knee an absentminded squeeze, rubbing his thumb up and down. "If the therapist says that you would be better at work, we'll give it a trial run."

Stella thought it over for a couple of minutes and then nodded. She was very aware of the warmth that emanated from his hand on her knee. She forced herself to not read anything into it.

"Okay." Stella's voice was a choked whisper as she followed her nod of assent with that one word. It worried Mac but he gave her a small smile and reluctantly stood up, giving his friend some space.

The buzzer went off, announcing that the laundry was dry. It helped to dispel the growing tension.

---------------

"Do you want anything to eat this morning?" Mac asked, trying to keep the flow of conversation going.

Stella considered the offer a moment before deciding that she was hungry. "Sure, but you don't need to do anything fancy. Cereal or toast is fine."

Mac retreated to the kitchen to gather together the meal that Stella had requested. "Do you want another cup of coffee with that?"

"Sure."

Stella sat at the dining table once more drinking a cup of coffee as her partner made breakfast. "Thanks for letting me stay last night, Mac. I... ah, should think about going back home."

"Your place is still a mess. Stella, do you really think that it would be better for you to be alone? You can stay here." Mac didn't want to see Stella leave but he knew that he had to give her another alternative, seeing that he'd already made head way in getting her to see a counselor. "If you'd rather, the offer still stands for that hotel at the lab's expense. I just don't think it's a good idea for you to try and face that mess just yet."

Stella stared into her mug mulling over her options: she could take Mac up on the hotel paid for by the lab: that would just give her more alone time to go over the incident, which would drive her crazy. She could force herself to go back to her apartment; a shudder ran through her body; her partner was right, it wasn't yet time to go back there. Or she could stay with Mac even though it would be awkward after what had happened between them; somehow even with that, Stella felt safe in his presence, and she knew that unlike many, Mac wouldn't push.

She nodded and smiled at him, not regretting the decision to stay. It had been one of the easiest decisions she'd ever made.

Mac won that battle, but he didn't know if he should be happy or upset; before Frankie, Stella would have put up more of a fight over someone telling her what to do; she did that even at work.

---------------

She stayed with Mac for a week. During that time there was discomfort between them as they hedged around the subject of the night she had shown up on his doorstep; Stella was unwilling to talk about it, and Mac appeared to be all right with letting her have her way. Stella didn't want that night of passion to ruin her friendship with Mac. He had made her feel loved and worthwhile. But Frankie was still lurking in her mind and would jump out at times. She also wasn't sure if Mac was really ready for that kind of relationship... intimate relationship. They were boss and employee... beside; she had only just gotten out of a bad situation. She had no desire to turn her feelings for Mac into a crutch; he deserved better.

Surprisingly she didn't have to wait to get an appointment for a therapist, though she didn't go to the one from the lab. It was a private matter and she didn't want any more attention brought to the incident than had already been. Dr. Kristen Merchlin hadn't been what she thought a counselor would be like, considering how T.V. shows portrayed them. She was soft looking, dark grey eyes, straight shoulder length light brown hair a personality that border on motherly all though she appear to be only in her early thirties. Stella had been on the defensive at first, not wanting to talk, but slowly Kristen had her talking: not only about the shooting, but also about her childhood, work, friends and Mac. In that first session the therapist had found out more about Stella than anyone else she knew.

Kristen had been glad to hear that she was staying with a friend. She'd felt that it would help Stella to have a constant source of moral support, without the guilt that she would be disturbing someone.

After only the second session, Stella asked Kristen if she thought she was ready to go back out in the field.

"Do you think that will help you to take control over your life again?" Kristen inquired with genuine interest.

From Stella's spot on her chair she pondered the question. Her legs were up in a curled position. It was a defensive pose, one that she had adopted since her confrontation with Frankie. "Probably, but it's not the only reason."

"And what is this other reason?" asked the counselor in a patient tone. "Or is Mac the only other reason you came to see me?"

Stella fidgeted, "It's... It's my job."

Kristen watched and waited for the other woman to continue.

The curly-haired woman stood abruptly in frustration and began to pace. Words began to tumble out, "Okay, so maybe it's a way to get control over my life, but I'm a cop. I should be out there catching criminals, not here telling some complete stranger my life story, which has no bearing on how I do my job. I don't know why Mac insisted that I had to see a counselor." When she ran out of steam she sat down, hugging herself, and was visibly holding back tears.

"So, you're angry with your boss? Or are you really angrier at yourself?" Dr. Merchlin probed.

Stella sat thoughtfully; maybe she was angry with Mac, but Kristen was right; she was angrier with herself than with her partner. She wasn't dealing well with the whole ordeal: the violent assault, taking another's life and the whole Mac issue. The assault had really come from out of nowhere. Shooting Frankie hadn't even been in the line of duty and he had been someone that she had thought was special until seeing that video on the Internet. She still had mixed feelings about Frankie, ranging from anger to relief. A part of it, was that she didn't feel as guilty as she thought she should, but she just couldn't get over the sense of relief that she was alive, and he was dead and couldn't come after her. Well he couldn't in the real world, but at night, in her dreams, it was another story. Added to the fact that feelings she thought had been locked away were very much on the surface, creating as much havoc on her emotions as the shooting did. Still it all boiled down to her being able to returned to work so that she would be so tired she wouldn't be able to dream when she got to sleep, or the alternative of staring up at the ceiling, mulling over all of the possibilities from her relationship with Frankie, or the fact she was ready to start one with Mac, if he even felt the same about her. "Maybe."

---------------

Week later

Stella paused outside of her apartment door; she hadn't been back since the night that Mac had left her off there. The crime scene tape had been removed; it now looked like the rest of the doors in the hallway.

Mac had wanted to come with her, but she had told him that she really needed to do this on her own. The only way she could convince him was to have her therapist call him. They made a compromise though: when Mac was done at work, he would come by to make sure she was all right.

'Come on, Stella, just do it.' Her internal nudge had Stella unlocking the door and stepping over the threshold once more.

She stood there with keys in hand, looking over the interior of her apartment. The clean-up people had done a good job. It was only in her mind that she saw the way it had been: with a chair over-turned, blood on the carpet and Frankie lying on the living room floor, dead. She almost walked back out, but she steeled herself and shut the door behind her.

Kristen had said it would take time, but Stella was impatient with herself. She was tired of being scared and jumping at her own shadow or movement and sound from everyone else; that wasn't the Stella Bonasera that her friends knew. Logically she knew that she would never be the same, but she wanted to be.

Stella re-acquainted herself with every inch of her apartment, allowing the memories, both good and bad. Then began the ritual of removing those things that reminded her most of the attack. She started with the bathroom, taking out the shower curtain and rugs. Next was the living room: the rug that had been cleaned and the chair that they'd knock over in their struggle. She dived into her closet, getting rid of any clothing that deeply reminder her of Frankie.

By the time Mac came there was a pile of stuff, in boxes and rolled up, ready for disposal. Some were headed out for the garbage; others would go to the Salvation Army. The apartment was almost bare with the amount of things that Stella was getting rid of. "Isn't there anything that you want to keep?"

"Of course I'm keeping some things, Mac. It's not like I'm tossing out my bed," though the thought had crossed her mind. She and Frankie had never done anything in it, but it had been an area that had seen much of her encounter. All the furniture was staying with the exception of a chair that had been knocked over in the struggle.

"I'll order take out if you're willing to help me get this stuff taken care of?" Stella coerced.

Mac gave his partner an assessing look wondering just how she was managing being back in her apartment. "Sure. Sounds good. What do want to get out first?"

They proceeded to haul the things out of the apartment, most went into his or her vehicle to be taken care of at a later time. By the time they were done the deliveryman had arrived with their food.

As they ate in silence, Mac couldn't help but have reservations about the idea of Stella coming back to stay in the place that held such terrible memories. He knew he was having a tough time not constantly looking at the spot that he'd found Stella.

Stella could see that Mac was unsettled sitting, eating, where a week and a half ago she had been fighting for her life and he had been the one to find her. That brought a conversation to mind that she'd had with Dr. Merchlin.

_"Mac doesn't think I can handle going back to my apartment," the brunette detective stated with irritation._

_"Why do you think that is?" the counselor probed, dark grey eyes fix on her patient's face._

_"More than likely because I've already run away from it once." _

_"Hhhmm... From what you've told me about him, and your relationship, isn't it just as likely that he is frightened that he might not be able to protect you?" Kristen speculated._

_Stella had thought it over and concluded that the Counselor was right. Mac hadn't been able to save his wife and he'd only been able to help her by clearing her from a murder charge. Added to the mix was their change of from just friends to something more... even if they hadn't talked about it._

_"You shouldn't keep Detective Taylor in limbo," advised Dr. Merchlin._

Kristen was right. Mac was just as emotionally shaky as herself and she'd let her fears and uncertainty take over. He needed to know that she didn't regret what had happen, but that she needed space and time to figure things out, that just being his friend was all she could handle at the moment.

"Mac?" The green-eyed woman said hesitantly.

"Yeah, Stella." The dark-haired man looked towards her expectantly.

Stella unconsciously toyed with her napkin as she summoned up the courage to broach the subject that they had been avoiding. "I know, I haven't been forthcoming with what's been happening in my sessions with Dr. Merchlin."

"Stella those appointments are confidential. You don't have to talk to anybody about them unless you want to." Mac leaned backward in the chair in an effort to show an air of relaxed acceptance.

"Yeah, I know, but it's also supposed to make it easier to open up to those who are close to you." As he backed away the curly-haired woman leaned forward in an expression of her desire to share confidences. "You got me distracted from what I wanted to say."

"Sorry," Mac gave Stella a small smile.

She grinned as well, warmed to see him finally relaxing. She just hoped that what she was about to say wouldn't drive that away, although it was an almost certainty that it would do just that.

"Well as I was going to say, Kristen and I have had a lot of discussion over the past week and a half. One of them was about you." Stella watched intently to see how he would react. When no emotions were forthcoming she continued on. "When I came to your place after I left the hospital... um, I was more vulnerable then I had ever been since I was a child. I needed to feel safe and you were able to provide that, then and now. Not only that, you gave me something that I haven't felt in a long time, if ever. Love."

Mac sat taken aback by his partner's words. He hadn't felt he'd done enough for the lovely brunette. If anything, he'd imagined that his actions went more towards taking advantage of Stella's fragile state of mind. "Uh... I don't know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything, Mac. I just wanted... no I needed you to know that what happened between us was wonderful, one of the best experience I've ever had. It's just that I don't want to lose our friendship. Since we've meet and became partners you have been the one constant in my life. I like to think it's been the same for you after Claire. And just now that's really all I can cope with after what transpired with Frankie. I don't want you to feel guilty about it." Stella's words tapered off as she apprehensively regarded the unyielding face of her companion.

Mac sat through Stella's speech, studying the play of emotions that wafted across her face, trying to gauge if she was upset or had deeper feelings about their encounter. He was relieved that it hadn't spoiled their closeness. He could understand her need to overcome the mental demons that plagued her nights and some part of her days. "Stella... You're right; you've been a continual light in my life." Mac bit lightly into his lip.

Stella reached out; her slender fingers circled his callused ones, taking his hand in comfort as always. Her lips curved into a warm smile that the ex-marine loved to see.

"I've admired and borrowed your strength on more than one occasion." Mac admitted as he lightly squeezed Stella's hand in return. "Your friendship is one of the most important things in my life. Stella, you don't have to worry that it will fade away."

They sat in a comfortable silence for several minutes, gaining solace from each other's company. Mac's watch alarm beeped, dispelling the moment.

Mac flushed abashedly, "I suppose it's time for me to go." He reluctently let go of Stella's hand as he stood to retrieve his coat.

The curly-haired woman felt a sense of loss but made no comment as she stood watching her friend. She followed her partner to the door. She didn't want him to go, but knew that to get through her fear, she needed to do it on her own.

"We're all right?" Stella stood against the door, fidgeting with the handle.

Mac smiled thinly, "Yeah, we're fine."

As Mac left, he knew that even though Stella was on the road to regaining her life back, it was going to be a long time before she would let anybody past the new barriers that she had erected. She had also made it plain that she was still dealing with what had happen between them, but needed him to remain her friend. It was going to be hard, but he had already made the decision that Stella was in charge of how their relationship would go. Even so, he held onto the hope that with time they'd be able to explore a closer relationship.

TBC...


	5. Working and Avoidance

Title: Chapter Five: Working and Avoidance

Spoiler: Anything that has happen before "All Access and Stealing Home".

1 Note: I use the word trinogamus which is a word created by the CSI: NY writers. The proper word is polgamy.

2 Note: In the last chapter I stated that there would be two more chapters. Well unfornately I was mistaken. Now there's only two more chapters.

3 Note: Set after the episode of Stealing Home.

--

And this is why my eyes are closed

It's just as well for all I've seen

By Billy Joel

Mac sat pensively looking over Stella's report on the case they had just finished: a man shot in front of his own home; it had been a surprise to find out that Mr. Jeffries had lived there with two wives. It hadn't been that surprising though when it turned out that the first wife, Elle Jeffries, had decided that she didn't like how her husband was handling the marriage and made the decision to shoot him with a gun from a fourth member, 'the pitch hitter' Kevin Davis, of their _'trinogamous'_ arrangement.

Looking back at the case, Mac had to remind himself that he'd handled it just like he would've any other that came across his desk. He knew that Stella had found the Jeffries case upsetting. He should have removed her, but it worked to test how well she was coping with being back to full time fieldwork. When they'd found out that Laura Jeffries had shot her ex-boyfriend in supposed self-defense, Mac had known that Stella would see her own situation in the second Mrs. Jeffries.

The memory of how he'd provoked the woman enough to have her hit him replayed it self. Laura Jeffries had packed a lot of strength into the swing, which made him jerk back; the sound had resounded in his ears. Stella's expression though had been one of amusement that Mrs. Jeffries had slapped him. Mac reached up and tenderly touched the area that still smarted from the impact of the woman's palm. In retrospect, he didn't think the tactic would be one that he'd use again unless in dire need.

During the processing of the brunette-haired woman, they found Gun Shot Residue on her hands. It had appeared to confirm the suspicions that she was the one to have shot her 'husband'. The only thing that had put a damper on that theory had been the place the residue had originated from.

He assigned Stella to go to the firing range to test how the Gun Shot Residue had gotten on the side of Laura's hand. Soon after she had left him, Pratt's defense attorney, William Mamet, had chased Mac down. That confrontation boiled down to him telling the obnoxious man to get out of his lab.

Mac made time before he joined Sheldon in searching the Jeffries house to look in on Stella. The curly-haired detective had briefly looked like she was going to have difficulty with the assignment. Watching through the glass, he'd been pleased to see the strong confident woman shake off whatever troubling thoughts she'd been having by straightening her shoulders and getting on with her duty to the victim. He'd left quickly, needing to meet up Hawkes; he also didn't want the fiery Greek woman to know he was checking up on her.

A small smiled crept across Mac's face as he recalled when she had caught up to him, with the results of the tests. They'd gone into his office. He had acted put out when she wanted to test his shirt for Gun Shot Residue. That had been to hide the reaction he'd experienced being so close to her... his mind hadn't been completely on the case at that moment. He'd been powerless to resist the urge to memorize the curve of her lips, the way she arched one eyebrow, the smell of her shampoo mixed with a trace of mint from her breath and how each curl bounced with her every movement.

Shaking his head, Mac centered his mind back on the job at hand. It had been good that they had at least gotten a new lead to follow or the case might have stopped still. Tracing the connections hadn't been easy, but in the end they had linked the evidence to Elle Jeffries.

He signed off on the report, setting it into the done pile. His blue-eyes fell on the far wall which had the beginnings of his renewed investigation into the double rape of Regina Moore. He knew now that it had never been far from Aiden's mind, considering his recent encounter with Pratt's attorney. Pushing away from his desk, Mac stood and walked to the few posted crime scene photos of the last rape. He once again became clinically engrossed in putting the rest of the pictures up on the wall in order to categorize them.

A knock at the office door jolted the dark haired detective from his thoughts. Through the glass doors, Mac could make out the image of Adam Ross holding several thick files. "Come in, Adam."

"Ah... I have the files you requested." The bearded lab tech announced bashfully as he entered his boss' domain.

--

Stella, shifted in her office chair as she tried to concentrate on the computer screen in front of her. The words seemed to blur, then focus again. Shaking her head, she finally gave up trying to finish the papers that had been sitting on her desk. Her gaze settled onto the real estate paper that she had picked up. Sighing, she pushed back from the desk and stretched out cramped muscles. Her gazed wander out to the large expansive skyline in an attempt to escape from the past few days. Her minded drifted to matters in her personal life rather than the job at hand.

After her first therapy session, she hadn't again mentioned Frankie to Mac. She had burdened him enough with the drama that had been her life recently, though she and Kristen, her doctor, had argued over it. In the counselor's opinion Stella should be more open with those she was close to, she stated that it would help in the healing process. Maybe it would be helpful but her relationship with Mac seemed to be strained enough at the moment.

Stella was still astonished at the improvement she sensed in her self. She didn't space-out as often, trying to figure out if there could have been some other way to handled the situation; though, her moods were still in a constant state of ups and downs. It'd been something she talked to Kristen about, and they agreed that, for now, she should try some relaxing exercises before thinking about using any form of medication. The only thing that hadn't gotten better came in the form of loss of sleep; to a degree she believed that she knew how Mac felt after 9-11. Being trapped helpless in your own dreams as events replayed, sometimes exactly the same, other times the scenario would change so that it became even more terrifying.

The curly-haired investigator grinned ruefully, silently admitting that Mac's idea to see a counselor appeared to be for the best, even if she hadn't yet shown her appreciation to him about his forcing the issue.

With that thought, Stella's eyes turned back into the office. She took a few deep breaths and tried to clear her mind of everything. Unfortunately, it didn't happen; her head was too full of the case that they'd just finished. So, instead of emptying out her mind, she decided to let it run completely through and hoped that would assist her in letting go.

When Mac had paired them up to work the Jeffries shooting, Stella had purposely tried to keep a professional attitude. The case was hard so soon after what she had experienced with Frankie. She'd been grateful that Mac never mentioned that she should be reassigned to Lindsay and Danny's 'mermaid'. She had been determined to work through her feelings and the tension that seemed to be between them.

Stella had to quell some of her own thoughts about some of the different theories concerning the demise of the victim: in particular that since Laura Jeffries had already shot an ex-boyfriend, it appeared that she had an anger problem. She had been momentary stunned that Mac would mention it so cavalierly. She'd known it was petty of her to gain pleasure at seeing her partner getting hit by a suspect. She hadn't been surprised when Mac alluded to the brunette being violent enough to retaliate by shooting her husband; the emotional woman struck without thinking about just who she'd hit. Laura Jeffries was taken in for assaulting a police officer. It had gotten them what they needed, but Stella could bet that the dark-haired detective had gotten more than he had bargain for.

She couldn't stop the sympathy she'd felt towards the other woman. It hadn't helped that she was finding it hard to remain objective. Did she really have the right to possibly condemned another for an action she had also done?

In the end it hadn't matter, all though she was plenty ticked off that Elle Jeffries tried to compare their circumstances. Her incident had nothing to do with jealousy, just an act of survival.

An act of survival: it seemed to constantly come back to that. Did she really have to shoot Frankie to survive? Stella shook her head. 'I'm not going there tonight.'

"Hey, Stella. Are you spending the night? Shift was over two hours ago." Sheldon stood just in the door of her office, a concerned look in his warm, brown eyes.

She smiled at him, replying, "No, I just needed to finish a few things before going home."

He nodded, but from the expression on his handsome face Stella could tell he wasn't exactly buying it. "I'm not going to say that you should take it easy and not work too hard. Everyone has their own way of dealing with the rough spots. But if you need anything... a shoulder or ear. I'm here for you."

"Thank you, Sheldon." She smiled, walking over and wrapping her arms around him in a friendly embrace.

He smiled back, pulling out of the hug. "Just promise me that I won't find you sleeping in your office when I come back in the morning."

Stella laughed, "It's a promise."

The former Medical Examiner gave her arm one last comforting squeeze before walking out.

An hour later, as Stella walked to the elevator, she could still see Mac busy at work. She knew that he'd be going over the Pratt case. Normally she would've gone in and told him to go home, but she couldn't seem to bring herself to badger him about his sleeping habits when her own where just as bad.

--

Mac sat outside of Stella's apartment in his truck. He'd known when his partner had left for the night. She hadn't stopped to either say good night or try to cajole him into going home. His feelings were hurt, which he tried to ignore. So, he had worked hard on the Pratt case for two hours after, in a way to spite her; in the end he realized how stupid it really was to work when his mind wasn't wholly with it. When he left the lab, he'd every intention of going straight home but his thoughts went to Stella. That was when he realized that he had driven to her place. Instead of just leaving he miraculously found a parking space.

It wasn't the first time that he found himself there, sitting outside her apartment building. It had become almost a nightly ritual since she had moved back in. He couldn't help himself from making sure that she was okay. Some would think that he'd become a stalker with this obsessive behavior.

Now, parked outside Stella's apartment building, Mac didn't know what to do. He mulled over several different options: he could call and hopefully be able to make some sort of sense at one o'clock in the morning; he could get out of the truck, go up to her apartment, and pray that she was awake; or he could just start up the vehicle and head home to try and fall asleep. Mac sighed, leaning back into the seat; they all had the potential to be disasters. His gaze was drawn up to the windows of her apartment, in the semi darkness of the block, her's were the only ones that glowed from within.

He concluded two scenarios from seeing the light illuminating her windows: one that she was either up or two she needed the light on in order to sleep. As if to answer his unspoken query, a female outline could be seen through the drapes. Mac watched, captivated, knowing that he wouldn't be doing anything. 'You're a coward, Taylor.'

It wasn't cowardly to give the woman the space she wanted, but was it really space that he was providing or could it be the scared after-effects now that she wasn't living in his apartment. He would be the first to admit that it wasn't easy trying to just be friends after what had happened.

He continued the mantra that their relationship had to be on her terms. He just couldn't face a future without Stella in it, so he would hold out until she came to him. Once that happened then he'd reveal his feelings. In his heart he felt that Stella already had deep feelings for him but that didn't guarantee that she wouldn't shy away. He could handle the sting of rejection even though it would hurt; he'd manage to somehow remain friends with the spirited brunette.

Sighing, Mac started the black truck up, knowing that if he stayed too much longer that someone would call the police. He wasn't in the mood to try and explain why he was lingering in front of Stella's place. His blue eyes returned once more to the lit apartment, resignedly he made his way home.

As he drove away a curtain moved aside and a lone female figure watched the truck as it turned out of sight. The woman stood gazing after it for several minutes then let the material fall back, briefly leaving a lonely silhouette before drifting like a ghost back into the self-imposed torture.

TBC...


	6. Chapter Six All for Friendship

Title: Chapter Six: All for Friendship

Spoiler: Anything that has happen before "All Access, Stealing Home and Heroes".

Note: Set after the episode of Heroes.

So I would chose to be with you

That's if the choice were mine to make

By Billy Joel

Stella's gaze drifted over to the door once again as it opened with the entrance of another costumer arriving at Sullivan's. Most of the patron's were fellow law enforcement other's were regulars of the establishment. Uncountable her heart would sink when a certain dark-haired man didn't walk through the doorway.

She had invited Mac Taylor to this little memorial of sorts to one of their fallen brethren Aiden Burn. He'd said he had something else to do. Now, she was thinking that someone else should have asked.

They still acted like friends, but things were strained between them. Each went about as if nothing happened, but on occasion she caught herself staring at him, daydreaming. She thanked god he'd only noticed a couple of times. In those instances, she had felt her cheeks flushing bright pink. She'd come up with plausible excuses whenever it occurred, and Mac accepted all of them. If dark-haired detective did the same, Stella hadn't ever caught him at it.

Stella watched with unfocused green eyes as the condensation slowly dripped down her mug of beer. She frowned thoughtfully as she pondered her and Mac's most recent interaction. The brunette noticed that, she tended to avoid talking to Mac about most of bad things which happened lately (with the expectation of work), it really started after the towers fell begin with: Claire first, then about the reason he'd fired Aiden and her death, the whole Danny, Louie and Sonny thing, the situation with Frankie before the incident in her apartment and more recently the way their relationship seemed to have changed.

Stella sipped at the still cold beverage absently. She had pushed him about many things but not so as to get the brooding man to talk but waiting for him to open up on his own. Was it that she didn't want to upset him, he'd already been through so much that he'd barely had been able to drag himself out of it. Or was it that when he should have seen a counselor he'd ignored any suggestion for it.

Wise grey eyes came to mind, and the conversation Stella had had with the owner of them.

_"Do you think it's a double standard when a boss has an employee go to counseling for an emotional upheaval but doesn't himself go after an equally heart wrenching experience?" Stella fumed as she paced around the small office._

_Kristen watched on, "What makes you think that he didn't?"_

_"I know he didn't." Stella said in exasperation as she flopped down in the chair opposite the counselor. "He was always working."_

_The other woman smiled gently as she gave voice to facts that Stella already knew, "He may not have had professional help, but from what I've heard in our sessions he didn't lack for an emotional out let."_

The therapist was right, Mac hadn't lack for someone to lean on; she had always been there to lend an ear or shoulder. She'd tried in every way; she could to be available for the grieving man without making a big deal about it. Hadn't it been two weeks ago that he had even said that she had been his strength during that time which made her happy and upset at the same time. Happy that she had been there for his hour of need but upset with herself that she didn't seem to be able to find that strength for herself and continue to be his strength.

Stella leaned over her partially empty glass brooded over the contents as if the liquid beverage could make an answer materialize. Shaking her head the brown curls swayed, as her thoughts moved away from her confused feelings that Stella was not yet willing to make a decision about. Instead they traveled to her most recent case... That was too tame a word for her friend's death. She couldn't catalogue her into other cases that the brunette detective had over the years as a New York City cop.

Stella felt like kicking herself for not noticing or taking the time to catch up with Aiden. She had known that the younger woman had been obsessed about the Pratt case. The dark haired investigator knew that with a personality like Aiden's that she just wouldn't let it go or leave it in Mac's care. It had become very personal to the former crime scene investigator the sultry brunette had become friends with one of Pratt's victims. Stella knew it was hard to not get to involved but you had to distance yourself a little to be objective even when all the evidence couldn't put the bad guy away.

Once again she truly felt a desperate need to talk with Kristen though she didn't think that the grey-eyed woman would really comprehend the emotions that she was going through, the counselor would try to being understanding, but she wasn't a cop. Kristen specialty wasn't grief counseling she would have difficulty grasping the feelings that were coursing through Stella at that moment. Everyone there was going through his or her own reaction to the situation. Many of the law enforcement community either knew or worked with Aiden at one time or another.

The curly-haired investigator reached for her cell phone but before she could begin dialing she heard Danny calling out her name. "Stella."

Looking up, she could see Danny Messer making his way over to the table that she had commandeer for their little group of mourners. She could make out the concern written on his face as well as the grief that she knew was present on her own.

"Hey Danny, you're all by yourself?" Stella expression lightened somewhat at the sight of the young man.

Danny turned a chair around and sat down opposite to the older investigator with his own bottle of beer. The condensation was only beginning to form on the outside from just being served. "Nah came in with Don."

The brunette nodded with understanding Danny and Don had a brotherly affection for each other and they'd seemed to her to have a quiet rivalry going where woman were concerned, Aiden being in the fore front. Neither had gotten anywhere with the young woman when she'd still been at the Crime Lab but Danny unlike Don had kept in touch with the stunning young woman. It was a fact which made the young detective unsuitable to work on her case. They'd all been fond of Aiden with the exception of Lindsay Monroe. It was that fact which caused everyone to be stunned when she'd lost her job and then her life in search of justice. Stella knew that during the case that Danny and Mac had had a confrontation it was a testament that the young man had heeded his supervisor advice in letting Stella and her team handle the investigation. Danny's reckless behavior was quickly becoming a thing of the past.

From the corner of her eye she could see Don Flack approaching with a bottle of beer in one hand and a pitcher in the other.

"Is that all for you, Don?" Stella remarked in an attempt to lighten the mood.

The tall blue-eyed detective gave a short scornful laugh, "Funny, Bonasera."

He set the large container down before taking the sit next to her on the right side. The dark brown bottle was set on the table only after Don had taken a long drink of the contents. It did nothing to elevate the sadness which marred on the young man's face.

Lindsay and Sheldon were next to appear both had followed the other's example by bring their own drinks instead of waiting for the waitress.

Hawke's dark brown eyes held Stella's a moment she knew that the young doctor was gauging how she was holding up. So she projected the strength that she was known for back to him. He gave her a tiny nod in understanding.

Sheldon took up a seat next to Danny while Lindsay sat opposite along side of Danny, leaving an empty chair on Stella's left side. The gap was a reminder that one of their comrades wasn't present.

Stella could see that she'd have be the one to break the mournful silence that had settled over those sitting at the table. "I remember one time, Aiden and I were on a case where a teen aged girl washed up on the shore strangled. She was from a middle wage family who went to a high priced private school. Well at this school while Aiden was interviewing some of the girls classmates they were give her grief. You know with that I'm better crap. Aiden wasn't at all phased she gave back like she knew how they felt having also being in the club."

"When Aiden came back over to me after she'd gotten the information we need and a smug smile on her face and told that it was all in how you present yourself." Stella waited a moment and watched as the tale had everyone smiling.

"Okay Stella, that's one for the books but what about the time that guy died from a shit projectile while on the can." Don smirked remembering Aiden's expression over that case.

They sat there drinking and telling stories about memorable times that they'd all had with the deceased woman with the expectation of Lindsay. The sorrow was still there but the curly haired brunette couldn't help but feel better being in the present of her closest friends... family. For that's what these people were to her, the onetime orphan from St. Basil.

Stella felt before she saw Mac as he entered the bar. Her heart gave an involuntary jump at the sight of him. She couldn't help feeling relieved that he had changed his mind about showing up and that her invitation hadn't been in vain.

Mac walked out of the Yard bar. He caught sight of the young woman he had just reunited with a piece of memory from her deceased fiancée he nodded in her direction with a sad smile. She gave a watery smile in return before going back to work. With a tired sigh, Mac felt another obligation fall from his shoulders. He strolled away pleased that he was able to finish the task that Corporal Price had inadvertently died trying to deliver.

His thoughts drifted unerringly going to his partner. Stella had informed him that the rest of the team would be meeting at Sullivan's. He'd remembered being warmed by the feeling that his partner had made the effort to include him. It was the kind of thing she'd often done before Frankie. He had declined though stating that he had work to do. The expression on her face almost had him changing his mind but what he said wasn't a lie he did have things to do. He also didn't have the heart to tell her that Danny had already told him about the gathering. A least his answer remained the same.

A wave of exhaustion washed over him but he continued on. Mac knew that he'd stretched himself thin with Corporal Price and Aiden's cases, along with all his other duties. It likely didn't help that he once again wasn't getting more than three hours of sleep a night.

It had been hard trying to do his duty to both people. Aiden had been his responsibility when he'd hired her. Even though she had not died as a cop but a civilian he still felt the weight, just as if she'd never left the lab, whereas Corporal Price pulled at his sense of duty to a fellow Marine who had died in his city. It was just like Don had said, 'Once, a Marine always a Marine'. No words had ever been truer.

Mac wasn't the only one in the lab who'd felt pulled to find justice for Aiden's death. Sheldon had been very thorough reconstructing the face of the deceased woman from the burnt out car. His skills as a former Doctor and Medical Examiner made him the perfect person to give the young woman back her identity. Aiden would've been proud with Sheldon's need in verifying her skull with different forms to be absolutely sure of his identification. It must have been hard for Hawke's to be the first one to realize that the victim was a friend and former colleague. The ex-ME handled the shocking news better than Mac would have thought.

Whereas Danny... He had taken it just as Mac imagined he would have, already stressed by his family problems, adding in the young woman's brutal demise he wasn't doing great. Mac hoped that their being able to arrest DJ Pratt would help the younger man; he needed to start dealing with Aiden's death.

Don had been too involved with the Price case to do anything with Aiden's. Mac knew from experience that Don, after already dealing with Stella's situation, would have done what was necessary to solve the young woman's case, even though she was a friend. Mac was relieved that the young detective hadn't needed to do so once more.

Lindsay hadn't known Aiden but she had worked her fingers to the bone as if she had. It was her investigative skills that had found the ear print on the passengers' window and the paint in the ignition. Her genuine concern over the former CSI's demise spurred her to work as if she had met the other woman.

Mac couldn't deny that he'd had thoughts about taking Stella off the case when they'd found out that the victim was Aiden. He immediately decided against it knowing that Aiden deserved their best and Stella was that. His brief contemplation of removing Stella stemmed from not wanting her to suffer anymore distress. It hadn't been that long ago that she'd had her own dealing with someone who had tried to kill her. Mac could hardly imagine what was going through Stella's head at the time. The only emotion she displaced during the investigation was determination, sadness and carefully controlled anger.

It wasn't until Mac finally came out of his thoughts that he realized that he had blindly made his way to Sullivan's. He smiled slightly over the fact that it seemed that fate didn't want him to be alone that night.

As he walked through the door he could see where his team took up a full table which had an empty chair between Stella and Lindsay. He'd like to think they had left it open for him.

Stella's green eyes met his blue ones and Mac felt his fatigue seep away. Her expression had lost some of the sadness and anger that had seemed a constant over the last few days and that in of self lighted his mood considerably.

"Hey, Mac" the team welcomed him into the group of mourners.

He sat in the empty seat next to Stella. He took the mug of beer that Sheldon had just poured for him.

Even as they gave a toast to their fallen comrade, Mac could feel the energy emanated from his partner as they sat next to each other. He didn't know what to make of it but stored away the knowledge.

Stella watched their small group with great fondness. They were a strong bunch of individuals and she was privileged to know them. She was glad that they'd gotten together to celebrate Aiden's life rather than mourn her loss. Stella knew that even though she was gone none of them would ever forget.

"Well I don't know about the rest of you but I have an early shift tomorrow." Lindsay announced getting up.

Danny took a finally gulp of his beer also standing. "Hey, wait up Montana. I'll walk you home."

Stella saw the irritated look passed over the young woman's face.

"Danny, I'm perfectly able to get home on my own."

"Jeeze, Montana. I'm heading out too. Is it that much of a problem that I'd like to see that you make it home safe."

Stella was relieved when the petite young woman finally gave in but only after Don and Sheldon both said they'd join the bespectacled detective in making sure she got home all right.

It amused and saddened Stella that the men on the team seemed to think their females companions needed protecting. Then again with how things had been going, she really couldn't blame them for feeling over protective.

Stella noticed that with the others departure that she was left alone with Mac. He was still sitting close to her at the table. The hum of awareness that she'd been conscious of since he'd arrived seemed too intensive.

"Did you finish what you had to do?" Stella shifted in order gain some space between them.

Mac nodded, as he absent mindedly turned his glass. "Yeah, Corporal Price's last mission. I think that all three can now have some closure."

Stella looked a little puzzled at that statement, "How do you mean?"

"Corporal Price had felt duty bound to return a fellow Marine's watch to the man's fiancée. Maybe, with my finishing Corporal Price's mission he, Ellie and Ellie's fiancée will all find some peace." He smiled explaining.

Stella smiled blinking back tears at her partner's words. It hadn't been that long ago that he'd only have returned the watch out of a sense of duty to a fellow Marine now it was for a more emotional reason. "Well, I'm sure all concern will feel just that." She placed a hand gently on his giving it a small squeeze.

She wasn't surprised when he returned the gesture, though when Mac brought her hand up to his lips give it the briefest of brushes. Her breath caught for an instant before expelling it slowly.

The look in his eyes was a mixture of gratitude and love. To her chagrin she could feel heat begin to invade her cheeks forcing her to look away. "I suppose it's time to go."

"Stella, I know you can take care of yourself, but it doesn't hurt to have a friend walk you home." His expression held a genuine desire to prolong their time together.

Stella just nodded too choked up emotional to attempt speaking.

The Greek woman smiled as they walked out of the bar, Mac the consummate gentlemen open and held the door for her and another female patron who entered.

"I guess your mom taught you well." Stella teased as they made their way to her apartment building.

She could make out the faints of color in her companions face. "Is that a blush, Mac Taylor?" Stella couldn't help the teasing question even though he'd made no mention of her earlier embarrassment.

Mac's face went an even brighter shade of red at the teasing inquiry.

"It is." She said laughing.

"You constantly surprise me with your backhanded compliments." Mac managed to come back in self defense.

"Sorry, Mac but sometimes you're just so easy to get a rise out of." Stella didn't look that repentant, from the grin that still graced her lips and the gilt in her eyes.

Mac just shook his head giving up.

They walked in a comfortable silence for a couple of blocks.

"Mac, thanks for letting me stay on Aiden's case."

Mac was surprised by Stella's gratitude. "You don't have to thank me. You're the best investigator I have. Aiden was one of our own even though she wasn't a cop anymore."

"Still you could have taken me off because of the emotional involvement if you wanted to." Stella said trying to convey that she knew he wasn't letting recent issues color his decision.

"Maybe, but I also know you and you wouldn't have stayed quiet about being able to handle the situation. Which you did very well beside you weren't alone on case there was Sheldon and Lindsay." He said as they continued walking with a mental, 'and me.'

Stella walked thoughtfully for a couple of step then nodded, "Yeah, they were good, though you helped a great deal with that bite mark."

The former Marine shrugged, "I'm just glad we were able to finally catch that bastard."

"You and me both, truth be told I wasn't sure I'd have been able to handle some of that without you there." The admission took Stella by surprise that she'd admitted what she'd been feeling. "This was by far the toughest case I've dealt with because we didn't know right off that the victim was Aiden until Sheldon reconstructed her face. A little ironic that one of her best skills had to be used to identify her. It still bothers me that maybe there could've been a way to have prevent this."

Mac stopped and reached over grasping both of Stella's arms turning toward him and looking direction into her green sad eyes. "You can't think that way Stella. Aiden made her choices and unfortunately she didn't have enough faith in the forensic and in her own

Stella a little stunned stared considering, what her partner said and had to agree. "You're right but it's still hard to not let yourself think about the if's."

Mac shifted putting one arm around Stella giving her a half hug as they continued to Stella's apartment.

Outside of Stella's apartment building the brunette shivered involuntarily. The warm hand rubbed up and down her back. "I think I'll see you to your door."

"Mac..." Stella sighed laughing.

"I know you're a big girl just indulge me okay."

With a roll of her green-eyes the Greek woman, gave in and proceed her protective partner into the building.

Stella met Mac's gaze as she entered her new apartment. She realized that he hadn't yet been to her new apartment and that he'd had let her lead the way on the walk there. As she stood there with him the brunette felt a little self conscious. "Do you want to come in for a minute?"

Mac had watched the emotions wash over her face, he shook his head thro he still had a smile. "I'll take a rain check. It's been a long day you should probably get some sleep."

A little disappointed Stella nodded. "Then I guess I'll see you at work tomorrow."

"Goodnight Stella. Sweet dreams." Mac said as he walked back down the hall way.

As Stella locked the door of her apartment a smile graced her face. It was nice to be able to talk to Mac without the tension that had been present for the past few weeks. With all things considered she didn't think it was likely that they were ready to discuss the altered feelings of their relationship anytime soon, but it was a pleasant thought that Kristen would always be a second choice for her to talk too; Mac would continue to be first.

TBC...


	7. Chapter 7 Teaser

Title: Chapter Seven: Accepting Loves Embrace

Spoiler: Anything that has happen before "All Access, Stealing Home and Heroes".

Note: Set after the episode of Heroes.

But you can make decision too

And you can have this heart to break

By Billy Joel

Stella sat watching through the glass into Don's hospital room. Mac had been standing holding the young detectives hand for the past half an hour. She would eventually go in to take the blue-eyed investigator home. He had been working on mostly adrenaline for the past few days he was ready to crash.

Uncountable she felt the trembling beginning in her hands. She clutched her coffee cup a little hard in an effort to stop the tremors. After taking some cleansing breaths the reaction faded. Stella was thankful it hadn't happened during the time when they'd still been investigating the bombing. It was another reminder of the obstacles she still had to overcome with Kristen.

In the back of Stella's mind she wondered, if she'd ever be able to coup with her job again without having to resort to going to the counselor for every case. It had taken several visits with the therapist to get over the last few cases, Jeffries and Pratt. They had both contributed the strength of her flashbacks. Stella knew they wouldn't go away but the counseling helped to ease the intensity of them even with the add stress of the job and her friendship with Mac.

Stella, refrained from taking out her cell phone and calling Kristen. In her own mind she needed to stop relaying on the woman as much. She could and would be able to get through the current difficulty in her life. She closed her eyes briefly trying to relax, once again using the methods that she picked up at the counselor.

She reflected back on what she had said before Mac had been able to visit with Don; "We take care of each other." Those weren't just words to comfort they were the truth. Personally she wanted more than to just take care of Mac. In just over a month she had shot Frankie and they'd been lovers even if just that once, then back to being just friends.

Stella had tried to distance herself from the dark-haired man; it had been for both of their sakes but now... after almost losing him. Her heart ached at the harsh reminder of their mortality... as if they could forget. Aiden's specter hovered over the lab as a portent of how their future would be. She gave a small shake of her head to clear her thoughts for going to such a depressive topic.

Instead she refocused on the man who at that moment was buried with his own demons, ones that he'd kept hidden inside from well before they had met. Their first meeting was a memory she would never forget. Her lips curved into a smile at the recollection. She had just transferred from Narcotics to the NYPD Crime Lab and had yet to meet her new boss. She had heard rumors but she didn't put much stock in that kind of information seeing as it was always varied. One thing for certain none of the people she'd talked too had mentioned the fact of how handsome the man was. In fact they'd met when she had been walking around his office investigating taking in every aspect of the person she be working for. He had been stern and very professional not even cracking a smile but Stella had seen it there in his eyes that he had found her inquisitiveness about him amusing. Instead of getting upset he'd ask what she had learned about him from his office. She had done just that with all honesty, the man who worked there was very organization, worked hands on supervision, former military and married. It was that fact that had left her feeling disappointed even though she had swore not to get involved with co-workers.

His only response was to walk around to his desk, sitting in his office chair; he gave the gesture for her to sit in the opposite chair which became hers' there after. He had quickly got her involved with the case he was working after that initial partnership he'd hired her. He made all his inquires but even with knowing she could be difficult to work with he'd taken her on not only as an employee but as his partner. He had exhibited a trust and respect in her that few had at the moment they'd first met. She had also felt the same in return for him, though she'd stayed emotional distant from him even as she came to love him as a valued friend.

Stella's eyelids flew open revealing stunned green-eyes that shown at the revelation that had just dawn on her. She loved Mac Taylor nearly since the moment she had meet him so many years ago. Looking back Stella could see that she had unconsciously been denying the depth of her feelings for Mac the whole time. Though in her sessions with her therapist they must have leaked out which Kristen hadn't called her on. She had to wonder if Claire might have known now that she went over some of their conversation. If she did the other woman hadn't mention it or even tried to interfere with how she and Mac worked. Claire either didn't think that Stella was a threat to her marriage or she trusted Mac enough to know he wouldn't start an affair with a coworker.

Though her last talk with Claire now seemed to make sense. It had been two months following a funeral of a cop who had died while on duty. Stella had been feeling melancholy having known the officer. She hadn't felt like going out but Claire had made her.

_Claire tugged on Stella's arm jerking the tall brunette back from morose thoughts. "Stella, you can't keep thinking about it."_

_"What am I supposed to think about then?" Stella groused as she sipped her red wine._

_Frowning at the depressed woman, Claire made a small hand gesture towards were a group of men that stood at the bar across the pub they were patronage. "How about one of them?"_

_Stella glanced behind her at the four men that were joking and laughing about the sports play they were watching on the small TV above the bar. As if feeling her stare two of the men glanced over. She turned back quickly to glare at her companion. "Claire, I'm not really in the mood to flirt... or whatever else is on that over-sex mind of yours. Does Mac know about the kinds of naughty thoughts that run through your brain?"_

_"I'm sure he does or he wouldn't look so sleep deprived." Claire retorted with a laugh which lengthened at the expression on her friend's face._

_Stella almost spit out the wine she had just drunk. She swallowed with difficulty as her eyes stung and her cheeks began to burn at the thought of Claire and her partner going at it all night. Coughing Stella finally managed to speak, "Claire Taylor that was way too much information."_

_Claire's laughter died down as she gazed at the curly haired Greek, "Seriously, Stella you're not one who'd die young." She paused taking a swig from her drink before going on. "Stella, we've been friends since Mac and you became partners."_

_Stella nodded, wondering where Claire was going with the conversation._

_"It's that I've been thinking. You and Mac are really good friends as well as partners and knowing you both the way I do..." The tipsy woman hesitated. "I realize just how hard it is for either of you to trust another. So, I guess what I'm getting at here is that I would like you to promise me that you'll take care of Mac if anything should happen to me."_

_Stella stared, mouth agape words of denial ready to spring forth._

_Claire plunged on before her friend could say anything. "I'm not saying anything will, but I'd like to know that he's not alone to dwell because we both know that Mac would. He needs to feel that there's something if not someone to continue to live for."_

Her watery gaze fell on the subject of her inner turmoil. She promised Claire that she'd look out for Mac. So, why was she backing away now that s

Stella Bonasera wasn't the type to sit back and let life go by and the last few hours had galvanized her knowledge that every moment was to be fought for. She would tell him how she felt, even if it ruined their friendship. She would live with whatever the outcome. Standing up with a look of determination in her expressive green eyes the curly-haired woman crossed the hallway to Don's hospital room door.

Opening the door, Stella peeked into Don's room, she saw that Mac needed to go home and get some rest. The brunette detective proceed into the room resolved that she would be taking Mac Taylor home and she wasn't going to take no as an answer. The man needed to take better care of himself and if he wouldn't do it for himself then she would. When he'd rested she would broach the subject of their relationship.


End file.
